The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
