Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
