you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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