so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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