the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
