im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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