just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
