it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
