can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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