I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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