Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Drunk is not a location!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
