I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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