I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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