I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
