I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
