My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
