Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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