I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
