im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
