I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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