Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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