Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
