i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
