I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i would punch a child for taco bell
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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