We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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