you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
