I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
