He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
