i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
