just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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