Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
