Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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