just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
