Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
