I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
