i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
