just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
