I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
