I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
