I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
