Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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