smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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