I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
