I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
