he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
