Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
