i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
