I faked an abortion last night.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
