hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well I just put wine in my tea
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
try to milk me bitch
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