I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
