her vagine was all disorganized.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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