I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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