just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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