my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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