We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
