If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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